Get your house market-ready

By Robyn Davis Sekula

I took my mom house-hunting this weekend. We spent two afternoons with a real estate agent (a particularly astute agent near us named Ed Clere) and looked at one-story homes in existing neighborhoods. We were looking mainly at homes $150,000 and under. Mom lives in Virginia, and since I live in Indiana, she's looking at moving closer to us, now that Dad has passed away.

I was struck by how very many homes are on the market. Ed ran a search of homes with our criteria and found more than 100, and he narrowed it down to about 20. Through this process, I've developed a short list of rules for anyone with a house on the market.

Know this guiding principle: the market is flooded with houses, many just like yours. Your home needs to be better than the others, distinguishable in some way, that will help it sell. Since you can't do much at this point about the quality of construction, the only things you can affect are the way the house feels and looks. Understand that although these things are subjective, they make a very big difference in how your home shows to potential buyers.

So, on to my rules:

1. Your house has to be clean. This is true of vacant homes as well as those that are occupied. It needs to look as if a vaccuum has run through it sometime recently, and it shouldn't have cobwebs in the corners, and certainly no dirty sinks or toilets. You'd be amazed at the filth of some of the houses we were in. One of our very favorite houses was a really clean older style ranch house that had just a few nick-nacks and paintings left in it. It really just felt more home-y.

2. Your house should be available. If your house is on the market, and you skip town for vacation without getting it ready to show, shame on you. You've missed a great chance to show it.

3. Your house should smell at least decent. One home we went in had such a heavy odor of smoke that someone had tried to mask with a perfumed spray that it was overpowering. I had to leave. No way would I buy that house; the risk is too great that I'd have to live with it. However, once the front door stood open for even 10 minutes, it made a big difference. Opening the windows some would have really helped, and could have been done in advance of the showing. Also, please don't cook cabbage or fish the day before a showing. Or hey, here's an idea: don't eat either one inside your home until the house sells. Think bread, and brownies.

4. Your house needs to feel comfortable. The best house we went in just felt like you could move in. It showed great - and it was chock-full of furniture. But it had a cozy feeling, mainly thanks to the fact that it was clean, freshly vaccuumed, and not cluttered.

5. Your house has to have any junk out of it, particularly in situations in which you're showing a vacant home that was owned by, say, your mother or grandfather. One house we went in the real estate agent swore was a great house, but it was filled to the brim with junk everywhere, and it all pertained to the various equipment some need in old age - hospital bed, walker, etc. To my mom, it was just plain creepy.

6. Your house should have extra information available in a notebook on a table for people to peruse. Tell us it has a new furnace, new roof, new plumbing - whatever. Those things will matter to a buyer. That cozy house I mentioned earlier had that, and we spent some time looking through it. If mom had wanted a new home with an open floor plan, that definitely would have swayed us in its favor, as all of the information was favorable.

7. Your house needs a real estate agent who is available. This doesn't come from this go-round of house shopping. Eight years ago, when we were moving to Indiana, we wanted to see a particular house, but the real estate agent was not available on weekends. If your agent doesn't work weekends, you don't need them. That's just plain idiotic. That's when most people house-shop, so your agent needs to be available.

So, now that I'm done with my little rant, tell me your rules. What do you think are the dos and don'ts of showing your house?

Financial advice from TV experts is a no-go

By Robyn Davis Sekula

I ran across a story this week about Glenn Beck's financial advice. First of all, you need to understand I'm not a fan of his. I think he's theatrical and reactionary. I do think he makes some good points, but I can't get through the drama to listen to what he actually says. It's too much to wade through for me.

It bothers me to read that he's been dispensing financial advice. He has no expertise on this, and his idea about buying gold is just plain silly.

I've heard Dave Ramsey address buying gold a number of times, and his point is always this: when an economy collapses to the point that paper money is not valuable, gold is not helpful, either. He points to New Orleans during the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina as the most recent example of economic collapse. Were people trading gold coins? Not at all. They were bartering for bottled water, tarps, building supplies, generators and gasoline. Those were the things that were desperately needed and in very short supply.

There's also the journalist in me that notes that Beck is paid for his endorsement of gold as a commodity, and he's likely paid very well. It may even be in his contract to endorse it on his "news" show. Therefore, he's not objective.

I asked Dan Danford, Principal and CEO of the Family Investment Center, to weigh in on Beck, and here's what he thinks:

I share Beck's concern that many political policies discourage entrepreneurship and capitalism. And I also believe that investors have suffered at the hands of Wall Street and supportive bureaucrats. But capitalism grows from the basic initiative of people, and no government has ever succeeded is destroying that trait. I believe, strongly, that creative people find ways to make money and build companies even when the government discourages it. Corporations adjust to changing situations and needs. In brief, I don't think capitalism is dead and I don't believe all the doomsayers about the U.S. economy.

Then, I specifically asked about Glenn's endorsement of gold as an investment. Dan said this:

The time to buy gold is always before people start talking about it. I think Glenn should stick to broadcasting but there are a host of others who disagree!

What it all boils down to is this: if you are taking specific investment advice from someone who is talking to you, and not with you, you're heading down a dangerous path. There are some universal ideas, such as that we all need to save for retirement, and shouldn't have credit card debt. But how to invest that retirement, specifically, is a question Beck isn't qualified to answer, because he doesn't know you.

If you are seeking good, solid financial advice that applies to you, which is what you should want, you need to seek an independent financial advisor who isn't being paid a commission or a fee or anything else to endorse a specific product. That advisor needs to know how tolerant you are of risk, how far away from retirement you are, how many children you have and their circumstances, and whether or not you're divorced, widowed, married or single. All of that is important, as well as 100 other small factors that really change how you save, and what for.

For instance, in my case, I'm self-employed. That fact alone means I probably need a larger cash savings fund than many people, and a qualified investment advisor would tell me that, and NOT tell me to have a bunch of gold sitting around. You can't pay your mortgage with gold if you lose your biggest client.

Listen to Beck, if you like. But take any advice he gives with more than a grain of salt.

McMansions are over

By Robyn Davis Sekula

For most of the first few years of working as a freelance writer, I penned articles on garish homes for a local magazine. Let's just leave it at that and not name the magazine, shall we?

I'm not writing for them anymore, and I'd like to tell you it's because I grew a conscience and disdained the lifestyle these homes represented. That's not why. I stopped writing for them because they stopped calling me.

The houses were interesting when the owners themselves had collected, arranged and chosen the objects inside. They were dull, lifeless, cavernous palaces when the owners had turned over all decorating tasks to a designer. Ho-hum.

What they all had in common, though, short of just a few I saw, was that they were too darn big. In many cases, the homes were occupied by a couple, maybe a grown child and lots of expensive objects. Many would definitely fall under the heading McMansions, buff brick castles that I liked to call of the Something European or Something Else style. To my mind, it's just wasteful, particularly to build a new home that's 7,500 square feet for just two people.

Financially, such a home makes little sense. Such a house often has a high level of debt, and the energy bills would be predictably high. Don't try to tell me you're building a green McMansion. Ridiculous. Building new is not green. We've grown addicted in America to larger, bigger, and presumably better homes and cars, and it's to our detriment.

CNBC heralded the news recently that the McMansion era is over. Well, thank God. I'm glad to hear it. Read on for the full funeral details.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/38757287//

Some Roth IRA rules for withdrawls

By Robyn Davis Sekula

Last year, my husband and I opened up Roth IRAs - one for each of us. It's a great way to save for retirement, as you don't pay taxes on the earnings when you take it out decades later once you're retired. Traditional IRAs tax the earnings, which can be substantial.

I was glad to run across this post today by Peter Anderson which explains some of the Roth IRA rules for withdrawls. Since we don't have substantial emergency savings yet, I've wondered if could treat the Roth IRA as an emergency fund. And by that I mean only in the case of extreme emergencies, such as one of us becoming permanently disabled, losing a job, getting cancer, etc.

As it turns out, yes, you can take money out of it early, according to his post. But of course, that's not the point of a Roth IRA, and you should avoid it unless you're absolutely desperate. Ideally, you should have emergency savings set aside separate and apart from your Roth IRA. (We're working on that.)

I thought this provided some great rules, so I'm posting a link to it here:

http://bit.ly/9WbHHX

Audit red flags: what to watch for

By Robyn Davis Sekula


If you aren't currently obsessed with snow, like much of the country, chances are, you're thinking about taxes. We ran across a well-written article on the Yahoo! site today by Investopedia detailing what raises your risk of being audited. It is a quick read and must-have information for every taxpayer.

You can read it here:

http://finance.yahoo.com/taxes/article/108757/avoid-an-audit-6-red-flags-you-should-Know?mod=taxes-advice_strategy

Change your ideas about how to earn money

By Robyn Davis Sekula

As I've written before, I'm a regular listener of Dave Ramsey's radio show, and it irks me when he suggests that the male in the household get a second job, or even a third, before he will suggest the woman explore her work opportunities. Women sometimes have more education than their husbands and more earning power - and I really wish folks like Dave would consider that. Don't assume the dude in the house is the only one who can pull in the dough. Plus, having one person do all the earning and one person do all the child care makes for an uneven house, with one person burned out entirely on spending every waking moment with little ones and the other burned out from working allllllll the time.

I'm cheering as I read the story below, which says that more women are working while dads stay home. Our ideas about work are changing, and I say great. With the technology advances in the past decade, you can work full-time or part-time from home, at night, on weekends, or during regular weekdays. You can make your own job, as I have done during the past six years. I've surpassed my husband in terms of income, and I have the most to gain by the risks I've taken. In fact, in our household, I'm the one who is the most comfortable with risk and has the greatest income potential. I'm the more natural entrepreneur. I really didn't know this until I took that leap.

What I want people to do is explore their options a little more. If you're a teacher who is not teaching but you'd like to earn a little money, consider tutoring, which is far more lucrative than substitute teaching. Consider picking up some jobs cleaning homes, if you like to do that, while your kids are in school - and this could apply to a man or woman.

Whenever you hear yourself say, "I can't do that" ask yourself why. You may not have an answer, and if you don't, you're looking at an opportunity.


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/01/15/national/main6101166.shtml

Frugal by nature

By Robyn Davis Sekula

In the past few years, my income has increased. In fact, it’s more than tripled. It’s been terrific. But I have spent so many years not making all that much that I’ve developed some thrifty habits. And even now that I’m making much better money, I’m not willing to let go of most of my frugal ways.

Why? Mainly because I enjoy getting a bargain. Plus, I believe that most items in the world are overpriced. Children’s clothing is among the things on the top of my list. Since my first daughter was born, and I wasn’t making much money, I picked up most of her clothes at yard sales. I then passed those on to my twin daughters a few years later. To this day, they still wear hand-me-downs. It doesn’t make one bit of difference in their lives. I find that coats, sweaters and fancy dresses are among the most overpriced and the most under-used by children. I regularly pick these up in almost new condition and pass them along to my children. Or I buy new clothes at the end of one season and use them a year later. But I never, ever pay full price for any clothing. It’s just about never worth it.

Books and toys are also just as good used as they are new, for the most part. I buy books for myself, my husband and my children second-hand. They read just the same and can be less than half the price of new. They’re essential in my home for all five of us.

However, one of my frugal habits has gone by the wayside. Now that I need to dress professionally, I do not buy second hand clothes for myself or Greg. Adults are hard on clothes. We keep them for a long time and wear them for years. I’ve gotten picky about my clothes. I buy quality items, usually from Land’s End, Talbots (actually an outlet they have in Lexington, Ky.) and Coldwater Creek, which is a wonderful catalog company. The clothes wear well and stay with me for a long time. Also, fit matters, and you simply can’t try on clothes at Goodwill or yard sales. I do buy the occasional item at a yard sale, but not often, and only if it’s very cheap. If so, and it doesn’t fit, I donate it to Goodwill and move on.

I’ve also given up the routine eating out that tends to drive the lives of those with small children. Now, Greg and I go to nice restaurants and hire a babysitter. It’s an expensive evening out, but extremely valuable to us. We spend money now on things that mean something.

So where does our money go? This year, I made $25,000 extra over last year’s income. I made a point not to blow it. I paid off our van, which had $10,000 in debt, and put away $5,000 each for us in Roth IRAs. I also doubled our payments to our second mortgage, and at the end of the year, doubled the amount we’re putting away for the kids’ college funds and through Greg’s 403 (b) at his work. I’ve also built up savings. We did splurge on a new TV, but not much else.

The point is this. I simply LIKE being thrifty. After 15 years of working in professional jobs where I made sometimes as little as $15,000, I have gotten into frugal habits that stay with me. I now can afford some things of quality, and I buy those things when I need them. I probably won’t ever start shopping at Gymboree for all of my kids’ clothes. Yes, they sell great stuff, but good gracious, $50 for a kids’ dress is nuts. It pains me to pay that and know that it will be stained and outgrown in a matter of a few weeks. What I really love about being frugal, too, is that I’m going to pass these habits on to my kids. They are having a happy childhood, thank you very much, doing simple things like baking cookies and playing dressup, and reading books with us. It’s all they need.

I don’t really like expensive jewelry (too flashy) and cut flowers just die. Want to get to my heart? Buy me an iTunes gift card. Nothing means more to me than permission to buy music.

We dumped cable TV this year because we realized we really don’t watch $60-some worth of TV each month. Instead, we have Netflix, and their wonderful Roku watch-instant player.

The best thing you can do for your family’s budget is find the things that you’re spending on that really don’t matter to you. Do you read the magazines that come into your home? Do you actually watch much TV? How often do you take out that boat? Where is the fat in your budget, and what happens if you trim it?

I’d love to hear your own stories of frugality. Post in the comments section.

Pay attention when remodeling

By Robyn Davis Sekula

So let's say you want to remodel your house with hopes of selling it and gaining back most of that investment. Be careful how you spend those rehab dollars, reports Remodeling Magazine. It matters what you do and how you do it if it's important to you to get that money back.

The photo I posted with this article shows my renovated attic, which we turned into an office in January 2007. Adding space by remodeling an attic or basement is one of the better choices, MSN says. "You get more bang for the buck putting money into a basement or attic upgrade than adding a wing to the house," the article states. "Some of the highest-return projects include a deck addition and quick, conservatively priced replacements of old siding, entry door or windows."

Here's a summary of the article and more great information on MSN.com:

http://realestate.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=22621710>1=35000

Need extra cash? This is prime time for a second job

By Robyn Davis Sekula

All of us would like to have more savings and pay off debt. Sometimes, the only way we have to get ahead is to increase our incomes. I’ve done that during the past five years by changing my day job and building my own business, and I’m really pleased with how that’s gone. I’ve also pursued a few simple side businesses that I think virtually anyone could do if they’re willing to take the time and energy to do so. Between now and December 25, opportunities abound for those who need extra cash, and I’m going to outline a few options here.

Here’s a key thing to remember as you read: Everything that makes a strong profit requires knowledge and research. And everything adheres to the general economic principle of supply and demand. You have something that someone else wants, badly. They’re willing to pay a lot for it. The key is knowing what the items are and placing them for sale in a public market place.

But there’s nothing here that’s rocket science. You can do this, too, if you’d like.

I sell items on eBay. Every time I tell people this, they want to know what. Mostly it’s things my husband has picked up at yard sales. Sometimes, he’s bought things that have done very, very well. He pays very little for these antiques, sometimes, as little as $1 to $5 each.


Our best sellers are Art Deco items and things that I’d refer to as “old house parts,” meaning certain types of doorknobs, faucets, bathroom accessories, light fixtures, glass shades, and so on. We also look for antiques that pertain to a certain town but that are far removed from that town. Souvenir porcelain pieces commemorating a particular town park or building were common in the 1920s, and they are highly collectible. Every now and then I get stuck with one (anyone want a vase from Reedsburg, Wis.?) but for the most part, they do well. One I bought three years ago for $7 sold for $302 and returned to its hometown in Florida. There are things that I do price low because they simply will not go. I have a set of 1960s vases in a pale green color that look like they walked off the set of Mad Men and I cannot sell them. But I guarantee you Greg didn’t pay more than $1 for it, so I’m OK with that.

My friend Kate sells items on Amazon. I don’t want to give too much detail because she’s in better physical condition than me and she might really hurt me if I tell you too much. I became a partner with her this summer in picking up items that we could resell on eBay for a large profit. There was a certain type of Crest toothpaste (Lemon Ice, if you must know) that Crest discontinued, and it began showing up at discount stores. I started hunting for that, and then a few other things in the health and beauty area, for Kate. We’d buy the toothpaste for $2 per tube and sell it for $20. She paid a modest fee to Amazon for the listings and we’d split the profit. During the fall, she stocks up on hot toys for the holiday season. How does she determines what’s hot? She goes through the entire Sunday ad of a mainstream toy retailer and runs each and every item through Amazon to see if they’re selling strong and if the item is selling at a higher price than they are in the stores. If so, she buys it when she can, places it on Amazon, and sells it. In almost every instance, she finds that with enough determination, she can buy and resell desirable toys for a large profit margin. “Just about every year, I can find every hot toy with just some determined looking,” Kate tells me. She profits from her knowledge, research and determination, and really, from the other side of it, which is someone’s lack of determination. And yes, I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve ordered from Amazon and sold with Kate on Amazon. Which side are you? There’s no right or wrong here. If you have a high-paying job where you are paid by the hour, it may in fact be a better deal for you to pay the profit margin to someone like Kate than to spend your time driving from store to store in search of presents for your family and friends. Convenience has a price, and it’s perfectly fine to pay it.

My friend Elizabeth sells on etsy.com, a site for crafters. She buys certain types of old board games, magazines and other items inexpensively and then combines items in packages to sell to crafters and scrapbookers all over the world. I’ve found a few things for her here and there and given them to her to divide up and sell.

My neighbor Chris does handyman jobs, cuts down trees and yard work for extra cash year-round. In fact, he’s scheduled to cut down a tree in our yard and clean the leaves up with this giant leaf-sucker machine soon. Since we have an acre yard and three kids six and under, having him do the yard is a bargain.

Other people refinish furniture, paint, or repair lawnmowers for extra cash. There are all kinds of options – and anything you can do where you work for yourself will make you a lot more money than if you work for someone else. The UPS box-throwing job at nights is good work, and so are the retail jobs you can score this time of year. But those are not jobs that require knowledge or skill. Stay away from the multi-level marketing gigs such as Mary Kay. Those are not side jobs. The people who are good at MLM jobs spend all day, every day on it.

So – what do you do to make extra money? Post it in the comments section.

Watch gift card fees when buying

By Robyn Davis Sekula

You have to admit that gift cards are wonderfully convenient. Walk into a store, purchase a stack of them and you can ship them in a matter of minutes with no extra postage. For those of us who have a lot of relatives flung far and wide, it's wonderfully easy.

However, if you're a frequent gift-card giver, as I am, make sure you read the fine print. Cards sometimes have hidden fees, and in many cases, they diminish in value over time.

Here's an excellent review of the gift card business by Sandra Block of USA Today. You can follow Sandra on Twitter @sandyblock. Yes, I'm quoted in it, but I think it's particularly good because she doesn't just cheerlead the convenience - she reviews why some people don't like them and how new legislation will affect gift cards in the future.

Read on here:
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/retail/2009-11-13-giftcards13_CV_N.htm

Save up now to pay for your kids’ college

By Robyn Davis Sekula

I frequently listen to Dave Ramsey. I like his straightforward advice, but I don’t always agree with him. One of the things I don’t see eye-to-eye with Dave on is paying for kids’ college education.

Dave once said on air that he was talking to someone who was a wealthy celebrity, who decided for his kids’ own good, he would not pay for their college – he’d make them work their way through. Dave applauded him. But I listened to that and shook my head in disbelief.

That’s just plain wrong. If you can pay for a child's education, WHY wouldn’t you? I understand the idea of working and earning money, but paying for college, on your own, is really daunting, and getting more so every year. There are kids who drop out every year because they simply can’t afford it, and it only gets harder as the years go past.

But let’s get one thing straight right now: if you can’t afford it, don’t do it. And don’t feel obligated to pay for a pricey private college education you can’t afford. If your child wants to attend a private school, and you don’t have the money to pay for it, they will have to take on debt or get scholarships. Perhaps offer to contribute what you would have paid for a public education and let them make up the difference. You shouldn’t sacrifice your own financial security to help out an adult child.

My parents paid for my college education. I wanted to attend a pricey private university two states away. We visited, and then my parents leveled with me and told me it would be very difficult for our family to afford, and asked me to consider in-state public universities. I chose James Madison University in my native Virginia, which, as it turns out, was a great fit for me and my parents (GO DUKES!). I am very grateful for their financial support – and years later, I realized that their ability to pay for my college education allowed me to start out my adult life without debt, which changed the very nature of where I could live and what I could do. I wanted to pursue journalism, and with any form of student loan whatsoever, I would not have been able to afford that career path. I met friends in journalism who worked collection jobs while they paid off their debt so they could then become a reporter. I’m so glad I never had to detour.

If you’re wealthy and willing to pay for any college they want to attend, great. Do it, and know that you’re giving your kids a wonderful gift.

If you cannot afford an expensive university without going into tremendous debt, then tell your children that. Be up-front about what you can afford, and what you cannot. I do agree with Dave Ramsey that most of the time, a solid state university can provide an education that’s near or equal to the education at a pricey private university. It’s what you do with the education that matters.

Do set some ground rules for your children, though. Tell them they are expected to maintain a certain grade point average. Tell them you expect them to finish in a certain number of years – four if that’s appropriate for their field – and that you won’t pay beyond that. In other words, you aren’t writing a blank check. If you want to pay for graduate school, and you can afford to do so, you can make that offer, but I would advise you to wait until they are well into college before agreeing to anything.

We’ve started saving for our three daughters’ education. I hope to be able to pay for them to attend a solid state university. I know that I’ll have to ramp up the savings to get them there. Yes, it’s daunting – but it’s a gift that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

Don't spend it all

By Robyn Davis Sekula

I’ve recently experienced something that is thrilling: I’ve had a large surge in my income, mostly due to a new client I signed just a month ago. I got the first check today, in fact.

It has changed the way I work. I don’t have to chase down hourly work anymore, and I reserve two days per week for this new client, who buys hours in advance through a monthly retainer. I love the client, love the work and feel incredibly blessed in a “pinch me this can’t be real” sort of way.

However, I’m quickly seeing something I didn’t expect to experience: a rampant desire to spend, and spend heavy.

I’ve spent most of the year paying down debt, and in fact, we now have two paid-for cars, no credit card debt and we’re saving for my three daughters’ college funds and for our own retirement. I had told myself, rather severely, that I would be banking this extra money, hoping to pile up a significant emergency fund by the end of the year. Perhaps I’d splurge on one item, such as a new television to replace ours, which is 15 years old.

But then, I had other ideas. My mother-in-law is pushing for us to replace our 2002 Camry, which has 126,000 miles. I’ve sufficiently beat back that idea, but it still pops up every now and then. My friend Carmen, who runs a cleaning service, said I should hire a maid. Hey, you’ve got the income now, she says, and your time is valuable – why not?

Then the Coldwater Creek catalog arrived, and I wondered what it would be like to actually order clothes from it instead of paging through it and tossing it, as I usually do so that I can’t give in to temptation. I also want a new gas grill, to replace the rusted out hulk in our back yard, and a carpet shampooer for the downstairs carpet. Oh, and did I mention I’d like to turn the half-bath upstairs into a full bath, and replace a brick sidewalk outside with a new concrete patio?

Then I had this reckless thought: hey, I work hard. What if I spent the whole first check? I could make a major dent in my list. And after all, I’m thrifty – I don’t spend that much. I’ve gone after this work and brought it in. I deserve it. Why not?

That little voice, my friends, is the one that plagues us and keeps us from achieving true wealth. I define wealth in this way: you have enough money that when something breaks, you are able to fix it without panicking. You feel prepared for life’s near-certainties (retirement, children’s college). You do not spend everything you make. It’s not necessarily that you make great money, but that you’ve done well with what you’ve got. Wealth is about how you prepare for life’s events, and how you feel when you think about the money you have. Having significant savings would make me feel secure. And if I do in fact ramp up my spending to the level that it sucks up all of my extra income, yes, I’ll enjoy a few things, but when the contract ends six months from now, I won’t feel secure.

The problem with making a good income is we tend to spend it, all of it. And in the end, that grill rusts, just like the old one. The new TV isn’t watched, and isn’t enjoyed nearly as much as we thought we would. The clothes stain. The car transports us, just like the other car. In other words, NONE of these things that we thought would be transforming truly change our lives.

What changes lives? Paying down debt, saving money and investing wisely with thehelp of a good advisor who studies options and can make solid recommendations. Security, and the ability to sleep at night, changes your life, and that’s what you’re buying with savings.

Think of it this way. Let’s say you have a problem. Money will fix the problem. Therefore, you have no problem anymore. That’s appealing, isn’t it?

I do, but I don’t want debt

Robyn Davis Sekula is a freelance writer and public relations consultant who helps us with a variety of tasks. She helps maintain this blog and writes posts on occasion. This week, Robyn wrote about her own experience paying for her wedding and her tips for how to have a great wedding on a budget.

By Robyn Davis Sekula

In 1996, I did something that others consider to be a bit unusual. I got married, and my fiancé and I paid for almost the entire wedding out of our own pocket. My parents gave me $1,000, and my in-laws paid for the rehearsal dinner. But the wedding itself, and the honeymoon, came out of our own pockets, without debt, and without some sort of crazy corporate sponsorship scheme (which, if I had thought of it, I might have tried).

I’d like to share a few thoughts on how we did it, and why, in hopes of helping those who are getting ready to get married themselves.

To appreciate our story, you need to understand that my future husband and I made a combined $40,000 or so, and we did not live together. I moved in with a married couple I knew, mostly to save money. Greg was a homeowner. We had separate living expenses, and no second jobs. To this day, I can’t tell you exactly how we came up with $10,000 for the wedding and honeymoon in a year. I know that we are both cheapskates at heart, and my rent was crazy cheap. Those things helped. It also helped that we both wanted the same things in a wedding.

Our first cheapskate stunt was buying an engagement ring at a pawnshop. Greg had shared with a friend who knew a lot about jewelry that he wanted to propose, and she called one day to say she had been to a pawnshop and spotted a very good three-diamond ring for $500 that was worth far more. Greg filled me in, and we looked together. He didn’t want to make such a huge purchase without my endorsement. I loved it, and it fit. So we bought it. Next stop was a jewelry store, where we asked if we had gotten ripped off. They said, “We could not sell you one diamond for what you paid for this ring.” In my mind, this story illustrates why we get along so well. Greg likes a bargain, and thought nothing wrong with buying an engagement ring in a pawnshop. I’m a girl who loves a bargain, and sees nothing wrong with receiving a ring that was purchased in a pawn shop. I don't believe that "stuff" carries bad vibes. It's an object.

Then we began talking about what type of wedding we wanted. I was raised Baptist. Baptists generally think a wedding, including reception, should be over in about 90 minutes. You have a short service in the sanctuary, go to the basement fellowship hall for mints and peanuts and you’re outta there. No alcohol, because Baptists typically do not drink. Seriously, Baptist weddings are cheap. Greg, however, is from a Catholic family, all of whom would be traveling, and they would expect to drink and be fed. How to combine those two competing interests?

We started with a list. We each made a separate list of what was important to us in a wedding. We both had good music at the ceremony as high on the list. We also both wanted to have a full meal at the reception. Low-ranking were flowers and cake. I also had high on my list quality photographs. Personally, I think one of the worst trends in weddings is dispensing with professional photography. That is the ONE keepsake you get from your wedding. You’ll want good photos, and so will your kids and grandkids. Spend the money on good photography. I can’t tell you how many friends have forehead-smacked themselves for foregoing this. Anyone who has been married will likely tell you that this matters.

Another item that really mattered to me was helping to pay for my bridesmaids’ transportation and dresses. I’ve always felt that making people buy a dress and shoes they’d never wear again and then pay for travel to get to the wedding site, and lodging while they were there, is a tall order, especially for the young people usually in the wedding party. For one bridesmaid who was a grad student, I bought her dress, plane ticket and found a friend for her to stay with. If you’re going to spend $10,000 on a wedding, I see no reason why $200 for a plane ticket and $125 for a dress is a problem.

Everything else we did I saw as open to negotiation. I met my mom at a bridal dress outlet and found a dress I loved for $500 (a bargain even then). I love the dress, and still do. But I didn’t have any interest in paying retail. Instead of a limo, I talked to rental car agencies to see if I could rent a white Cadillac for the day of the ceremony. Sure, they told me, and they got it for me. $40 for the entire day, and a friend relished the idea of being the driver. It was fun, elegant, and nice. I called many florists, and found one in a small town 30 minutes away who was willing to work with my budget. Another friend of mine hired a florist who regularly displayed at her local farmer's market - another great tip. The florist was less expensive and the bouquets wonderfully natural. I found a new caterer who was just learning her craft and I’m pretty sure gave me a good discount on food.

I also selected a time of day for the wedding that I thought would absolve me of the responsibility of having a full bar: 11 a.m. We had a beautiful morning wedding, and served wine only at the reception. I personally hate cash bars at weddings. I think it’s tacky. But I also understand it is incredibly expensive to offer a full bar to guests.

Yes, a wedding is your day. But it’s A DAY. Do not, under any circumstances, go into debt for a wedding. And by the way, you aren’t owed a wedding. No one is required to pay for it for you. Presumably, if you’re getting married, you should be ready for paying your own way through life. If your parents pay for your wedding, it is a wonderful gift. Be grateful.

A wedding is a great way to try your hand at budgeting, perhaps for the first time, with a future spouse. If you can’t agree on this, though, think about whether or not you have what it takes to go long-term. It only gets harder, particularly if you don’t agree about money.